Only Look at Me
by Emgee Kagamine
Summary: "Just looking at you and smiling a few times a day, I've told you hundreds of times, "you're the love of my life". And I've told you, in  this corrupt world, You're the only one my restless mind can trust." SPAMANO/AU


Only Look At Me

He wasn't _usually _a selfish person; a little bit rude, maybe, but never selfish. Lovino sat on his bed, checking the time warily. Soon, the meeting would be over, and the selected countries would be let out.

Perhaps he would ask _him _to lunch today; although, that happy-go-lucky bastard would just smile that same smile and reply with a redundant, "Really? With me? Alright then, let's go!"

He sighed; he might as well call him up now, before he changed his mind.

Lovino stretched over to pick up his cell phone from his bedside table. Hesitantly, he tapped the seven digit number and hit "call".

The sound of ringing filled his ears, seemingly growing louder and louder, then stopped suddenly when he heard Antonio pick up at the end of the line, "Hello?"

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, but quickly shook it off and replied, "H-hey."

Well, this was awkward. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Before Antonio could say another word, Lovino interjected, "…y-you want to go out for lunch later?"

A long pause was all he got, until Antonio coughed; his usual hyper tone almost died out, "Well…I-I'm kind of busy throughout this week…sorry…"

He felt his heart stop.

"O-oh… whatever, I'll see you around then." Lovino flipped his cell phone shut, and fell back on his bed. It didn't matter, Antonio never said "yes" when he asked him out anyways.

"Damn it!" He threw his pillow furiously on the floor, "…I'm going out for a drink."

At least his brother – as simple minded as he was – would listen to him rant.

* * *

"What? He did that?" Feliciano exaggerated, "It's okay!" he pat his brother comfortingly on his back, "Just think happy thoughts!"

Lovino groaned, once his drink was refilled, he took a heavy shot.

It wasn't until a familiar figure walked in through the doorway of the bar, not to mention, with some girl he had never seen before.

"Hey look!" Feliciano said happily, obviously unaware of the situation, "It's Toni!"

Lovino tensed up; he wasn't sure if he should be overly _angry _or shocked, that his boyfriend was – possibly – cheating on him.

Of course, he had suspected this from him in the past; he was like a magnet. Everything that fell into his view automatically became attracted; _including him._

Maybe, that was his flaw. Perfection would lead to their destruction.

* * *

"…That's it." Lovino slammed his glass on the table, "I'm out of here."

Perchance, it was the alcohol talking; making his senses vulnerable. How he wished he could just get up and yell at the no good two-timer, maybe throw a punch or three.

But was it worth it?

Instead, he marched on out the door, his glare affixed on _him. _Maybe he could just pretend; imagine that this was just a one-time thing and move on.

He had to admit though, he rather enjoyed this relationship; for the most part, anyways. Why did his world always lose its balance?

Sure, he had gone out with a few people in the past while they were together; _but that was completely different._

He only went out with them because _he _was too "busy".

Antonio was _always _"too busy".

At this point, Lovino honestly didn't care if they've known each other for so long.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, eyes red; he hadn't noticed he'd been crying.

Lovino didn't want to, it was simply a reaction from this body of his; or so he thought.

Making a sharp turn at the closest street corner, he isolated his mind from the world, the blaring of passing cars and convenience store bells ringing softer and softer in his head. Soon, he found himself at the park he and Antonio would walk around in every once in a while.

He strutted closer to a swing set, and let his body drop, so that he was slumped over a swing's seat on his stomach. Sure, he looked like a total drunkard; but it wasn't as if he had anything to lose if a stranger happened to pass by.

* * *

_I know I'm being selfish,  
But in the time I've been wasting every day, I've become corrupt like this,  
I only want you to stay pure forever.  
I want this with my whole heart, this is my faith in you,  
Don't leave me 'til the day you die._

_

* * *

_"…If I could lock you away in a box, I would. Just so you wouldn't be given the chance to leave me." Lovino mumbled quietly, "…but I don't want you to hate me, so I resist…"

Suddenly, he felt something push against the metal chains that kept the swing upright. He was lifted off the ground, and, swung back when the pressure on the chains were released. Curiously, he craned his head to peek behind at whatever had cause the swing to move on its own, only to find his curiosity turn into a minimal flame of rage, when he saw that Antonio had followed him.

Lovino quickly turned his head away, choosing not to speak, as if doing so would break the glassy silence that kept the moment so fragile.

"If you sit up right, I can push the swing easier." Antonio's voice sounded less cheery than usual; a hint of obvious concern and – quite possibly – guilt that his partner had caught him.

Nevertheless, Lovino obeyed, sliding off the seat and sitting himself properly as he waited.

Feeling a light push on the chains once more, he held his breath, as the swing moved; back and forth, in a motion similar to that of a pendulum. It was a gentle rocking that almost made him drowsy.

"…are you still angry with me?" Antonio asked, knowing fully that the answer that would come from Lovino would obviously b-

"...no."

Surprised, he almost stopped pushing, but continued almost immediately still trying to process what had just happened.

"…I'm way past 'angry'. I'm furious."

The Spaniard sweat dropped, "…I-I see…"

He hadn't expected anything less from the man; the same "Italian spirit" he would rant on and on about, really clung on to him, as well as his brother.

"…I didn't think it would upset you, that my sister was in town…"

His…_what?_

Lovino hissed, "…That wasn't what you told me this morning!"

"I told you I was busy all week!" He claimed in defence, still pushing Lovino back and forth on the swing, "I-I thought you knew!"

"Well you thought wrong! And now I'm mad at you!" He was planning to storm away; however, his plan was quickly put down by the fact that he was stuck on a moving swing, controlled by Antonio.

So instead, he decided to wait. He was sure to get tired in a few minutes or so, and leave for home. After a solid fifteen minutes, Lovino began to feel irritated. He was a very impatient person; never did he think such a trait would have to be tested; especially at such a crucial time. He'd have to end it himself, just demand to be let off, so that he could leave angrily in peace.

Lovino took a breath, prepared to yell out; turned to look back but Antonio wasn't there.

Somewhat relieved, yet, relatively hurt by his absence, Lovino sighed and slowly turned his gaze back to the front.

What he didn't expect was Antonio's lips pressed on to his own, when he had swung forward; the man had quietly planned this.

They met for only a brief second, before Lovino swung backward, and forward for the last time, before the swing came to a final halt.

"I'm sorry…" Came Antonio's reply; he pressed his forehead against his lover's, "Te amo."

A light brush of pink graced Lovino's cheeks; shock, surprise, reprieve, all other emotions except anger, he just couldn't find any reason to.

"…You better." He warned, a very slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips; he was selfish, yes, and quick to strike envious. Yet, one last phrase stuck to the back of his mind, he voiced it out, clear, confident, commanding.

"_Only look at me."_

_

* * *

_**NOTE: **For "One Half Romeo" Contest Winner: "I am a purple crayon"_  
_


End file.
